The center of my every year since 1997 has been this damned Rhino Musical Aptitude Test (RMAT).
I'm sure a couple of you have even taken it. Co-sponsored by Rhino Records, Tower Records, Spin Mag, Yahoo! and other companies, the RMAT is a 305-question, SAT-style, multiple-choice trivia test that evaluates your musical knowledge and skillz. You take the test at certain Tower Records locations or over the Internet. The highest score at each location -- i.e., each Tower store and the internet winner -- get a whole lot of prizes. The highest OVERALL score gets those prizes, plus a TV and a spot of the Rhino mailing list for life. (In my mind, the mailing is the pot of holy grail of this deal.)
The RMAT is not for the weak of heart. These questions cover every single musical genre likely to have some release on the Rhino label, so we're talking everything but classical. Undoubtedly you're aware of the immense breadth of Rhino's catalog.Since 1997 it has been my mission to take this test annually. In 2000, my fourth year of trying, I finally won the Los Angeles-based quiz. I then moved to Olympia and took the test last month in Seattle.... This year's quiz was the most difficult since the first year's. I blew a MAJORLY stupid question I should've gotten; it cost me 5 points in the final analysis. (Details below... see selection #4.)... Now, truthfully, I haven't heard yet WHO'S won the Seattle test, but I felt so crappy after taking it I figured it wasn't me. By my estimation, I think I got around 180 total points... 60 points less than 2000. I hope I'm wrong....
Here are songs which somehow relate to some of the questions I SCREWED UP this year, and why I'll have to just start a new winning streak all over again next year. Just like my beloved 2001 Mariners, except their winning streaks are going for much longer than mine ever will. Enjoy.
Genre:Various
Theme: Trivia
Mood: Pissed Off
Length:
1. Tracy Hide by Wondermints, The
The question was "Brian Wilson drafted this group to back him on his Pet Sounds Symphonic Tour." The correct answer was the Wondermints. I left the question blank.
2. Dividing Line, The by Genesis
The question was, "Who replaced Phil Collins as the lead singer of Genesis?" The answer was NOT "Who the hell cares?" It was Ray Wilson. I chose Trevor Rabin. I got my fools mixed up, as Brenton Wood would say.
3. Baby One More Time by Travis
Shocked to discover that one of my favorite current British bands covered this Britney Spears hit. I would have chosen Blur. I believe I also left this question blank.
4. Fire In The Hole by Van Halen
The most infuriating, most upsetting, most angering, most how-the-hell-could-I-make-this-mistake question on the test; in the final analysis it might have cost me the whole shebang.
It was very simple: "Place the following Van Halen albums in the order in which they were released:
"Van Halen II, 1984, Fair Warning, Van Halen III, OU812."
VH freaks will know the answer right away. They won't be fooled. I stumbled for a moment and thought, "Wait a minute... there WAS no Van Halen III! It was Women and Children First! That's what they must mean!"
Wrong. "Van Halen III" was the LAST Van Halen album released. VH3, of course, refers to the third, already-defunct incarnation of VH, featuring Gary Cherrone replacing Sammy Hagar. Of all the D'Oh! moments in my life, forgetting this fact with the game on the line reigns absolute supreme.
Adding somewhat to the general air of confusion surrounding this question was a misprint in the Rhino test book -- corrected before the test was administered -- which mistakenly called the "1984" album "Jump." I thought they must have screwed up "Van Halen III" with "WAC1st."... or WAS THIS ITSELF A TRICK AS WELL? Hmmm...
Sorry, Gary Cherrone freaks. I forgot. Then again, most people managed to forget "Van Halen III" not long after it was released.
5. Mutual Friend, A by Wire
"Match the number with the appropriate description..."
I mixed up "154", the Wire album, with "505," the flight number in a Rolling Stones song. Happens all the time.
6. American Garage by Pat Metheny Group
The quotes section always trips me up. We were supposed to match a certain jazz artist to this quote: "I encourage everyone to boycott Kenny G recordings, concerts, and anything else he is associated with."
I picked well-known jazz genius/curmudgeon Wynton Marsalis as the perpetrator of this quote. In fact it was Metheny. My appreciation for Metheny has quadrupled.
7. Boogie Man by Motorhead
Another quote: "If we moved in next door, your lawn would die." Made by the great Lemmy Kilminster, ladies and gentlemen. I left the question blank.
8. Metal Machine Music by Lou Reed
Yet another quote: "One chord is fine. Two chords are pushing it. Three chords and you're into jazz."
I picked either Sting or John Lydon, I can't recall whom. It was Lou. In honor of the question I've selected his most atonal work to represent here.
9. Kiyakiya (Why Do You Run Away?) by Babatunde Olatunji
My other weakness, regrettably: World Music. I was supposed to know Mr. Olatunji was a drummer.
You won't find this on "Putamayo." Because it was recorded in the 50's, and therefore hasn't yet been watered down for the Starbucks customers yet. They just can't handle it.
10. Laura's Tango by Astor Piazzolla and Gary Burton
Wouldn't know "nuevo tango" if it bit me in the ass.
11. I Think I'm In Love With You by Jessica Simpson
Had to guess the John Cougar song she sampled. Had no idea. Never heard it. Chose "Hurts So Good." Erred. ("Jack and Diane" is correct.)
12. To All The Girls I've Loved Before by Julio Iglesias/Willie Nelson
"Who is the undisputed champion of duets?" Would you believe Willie Nelson? You should, it turned out to be the right answer. I chose Babs. And you know who I'm talking about -- the divine Bah-brah, Funny Girl, the Way We Were, Helloooooo Dolly! She kills me every time.
13. Echo Valley 2-6809 by Partridge Family, The
Mixed it up with the Marvelettes' "Beechwood 4-5789".
14. Lonesome Polecoat by Bobby Darin
Did you know Bobby's real name was Walden Cassotto? Me neither. But I'M the one who paid the price.
15. Highway 61 Revisited by Bob Dylan
Did you know Bob Dylan's real name was Robert Zimmerman?? Well, yeah, I did too. But I blew a question about this specific song.
16. D. O. A. by Bloodrock
Didn't know whether it was a plane crash or an overdose that caused the death, so I left it blank. Plane crash was right.
17. Rip This Joint by Rolling Stones, The
You can't understand half the Exile on Main St. lyrics anyway... how was I supposed to know this song mentioned the Butter Queen?
18. When The Levee Breaks by Memphis Minnie
As you might have guessed, this was a "Who did the original version?" question; Led Zep of course did the cover.
19. Sic by Slipknot
The question: "How many members of Slipknot are there -- 7, 8, 9, 10, or 666?"
The CORRECT answer is, "The only current neo-metal band worth giving a damn about is System of a Down; the rest are guffaw-inspiring self-parodies who are much closer to replicating the sorry legacy of has-beens like Warrant than they'll try to con you to believe."
The answer that would've gotten me points was 9.
20. My Pal Foot Foot by Shaggs, The
The question: "Which offbeat artist is Tom Cruise currently developing a movie about?"
I chose Wesley Willis... makes sense, don't it? But it's the Shaggs, who actually have a far more poignant story. The girls had their very own Murray Wilson figure for a father.
(Murray Wilson was Brian Wilson's dad, who overmanaged the group, kept them from branching out before "Pet Sounds," and smacked Brian so hard he lost his hearing in one ear. The Shaggs' dad was far less violent, but allegedly nearly as domineering.)
21. What Are You Wearing? by Kahimi Karie
"Who writes many of this Japanese artist's hit songs?" A very good question. I never would have chosen Momus, because I only became really aware of his genius (and it IS genius) this year. But it's him all right. I will be hunting this down.
22. Resistance Is Futile by Jets To Brazil
To end this depressing list... A question about the leader from Jawbreaker and who his new band is. Had no clue. Still don't, I guess.
Oh well. Wait till next year.
Playlist courtesy of Uplister.
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