It's the COMMERCIALS, stupid!
Ever been in a bad relationship. Wherein your partner takes advantage of you? You finally say you've had enough, you break up with them, then they have a sudden change of heart, they tell you now it's going to be DIFFERENT, they want you to forgive them, to COME BACK!
Unless you're an adolescent, you know there's no hope. You lick your wounds and move on.
We used to get it. We've got to listen to a certain number of spots to pay for free music. Not a terrible deal. Especially when the station played complete albums, especially when the deejay treated us like a FRIEND, and the spots that did air were targeted to US!
But once they went to twenty two minutes of commercials per hour, we were done. History.
Furthermore, what was sandwiched IN BETWEEN the commercial breaks was BOGUS! Not only were they advertising products we weren't interested in, who the hell wanted to hear this MUSIC??
People listened to tapes. Which were not the height of convenience.
The CD was better.
Now we've got the iPod. The iPod is ONLY what we want to hear, sans commercials.
And satellite radio.
Make no mistake, the powers-that-be are doing their best to fuck up satellite radio. Because they just don't get the PARADIGM!
It's kind of like a Chris Rock routine! Well, we're commercial free. But how about if we just give you a FEW commercials, that's all right, isn't it? Kind of like the No Child Left Behind bill. Only a few kids left behind, that's okay, RIGHT?
WRONG!
To program satellite radio like terrestrial radio is to COMPLETELY MISS THE POINT! Repetition, familiarity, lack of adventure, that's why we GAVE UP ON TERRESTRIAL RADIO!
Think of HBO. Guy comes in and says he wants to make a drama about a funeral home. What makes HBO great, is they gave "Six Feet Under" a green light. They did no research, didn't hire people from the networks to vet the project. They said HBO IS SOMETHING NEW, we've got to be DIFFERENT!
HBO does NOTHING the way the networks do. They have no traditional sitcoms, no tearjerking family shows, it's adventurous/respect your audience 24/7.
But not at Sirius.
At Sirius they fly in deejays moonlighting from TERRESTRIAL radio!
And now XM's programming is run by a guy who used to work at INFINITY! Last I checked, they had to write down the value of Infinity by MILLIONS!
Don't these companies get it, THEY'RE HEADING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION! That the only way they can survive is to be a COMPLETE alternative!
Do you really think Howard Stern's listeners are going to put up with in excess of ten minutes of commercials an hour when they're PAYING $12.95 a month??
Oh, there's certainly SOME adventure at Sirius. And a great amount left at XM. But somehow, some people, with heads completely up their asses, think the reason their subscriber numbers are not higher is because the services are not MORE LIKE TERRESTRIAL RADIO!
Utterlyfuckingastounding.
And then you have Jack FM.
So we're supposed to be impressed that you've got a library of 1,200 tracks?
I mean SURE, we're hearing stuff we haven't heard in ages. But nothing deep, and nothing new. I mean what are you planning to play in OCTOBER??? There's not an alternate set of hits, collecting dust, that you can whip out when necessary, you're burning your COMPLETE PLAYLIST!
And Jack is like XM's Top Tracks. The hits NEED no deejays. I mean why do you have to have people GUIDE YOU THROUGH WHAT YOU ALREADY KNOW!
But, presently, Jack FM is enjoyable until you hit the...commercials.
It's infuckingtolerable.
Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.
I just don't get it. How these companies believe that we're gonna bite the bait one more time. This is the same thinking that got the MAJOR LABELS in hot water. BELIEVE ME, terrestrial radio would sue its departed listeners if they ONLY KNEW HOW!
You want me to listen to the greatest hits of the MTV generation, yes, these tracks were broken on TELEVISION, not radio in the FIRST PLACE, and then you want me to listen to ads for mortgages? I mean I'm thinking of some girl I felt up, and then I want to be reminded by some huckster, some barely legal operation, some SCAM, because you'll take money from ANYBODY with a checkbook, that I've got to call them first if I'm buying a HOUSE??? FUCK, how many people listening to Jack FM right now are BUYING a house??? THAT'S WHY I LISTEN TO THE SATELLITE, THAT'S WHY PEOPLE LISTEN TO THEIR iPODS, because THIS HAS GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!
The whole fucking Jack station has got nothing to do with the audience. Oh, they've carefully selected the tracks, being sure not to POSSIBLY rub a listener the wrong way, but they REFUSE to get in the head of the target audience. It's like radio believes we all live in STEPFORD!
I don't live in Stepford. Hell, the only reason I'm listening to Jack AT ALL is because my CAR'S IN THE SHOP!
So, we've got a trifecta. A limited playlist, too many commercials, and NOTHING NEW! It's like I've got to stay married to some girl I dated briefly in the EIGHTIES!
It's HUMAN NATURE to want to hear something new!
But that's too risky for radio. Oh, no, can't SURPRISE people. Like the listeners aren't FUCKING HUMAN! I mean you want people to tune in when you don't even RESPECT THEM??
But even if you ARE playing something new, I don't need you. My iPod is enough. Because the playlists on terrestrial radio are SO NARROW that I can just go to the iTMS and hear all the songs INSTANTLY! Oh, I only get to hear 30 seconds, but how many seconds are you playing in your call-out research ANYWAY??? If I can't get quickly what you spent all that money selecting, I must be fucking IGNORANT!
So come with me. I'm going to take you on a little trip.
Load up the iTunes Music Store. Then click on "iMix" on the left-hand side, yup, right under where it says "Choose Genre", it's the fourth choice down.
Okay, now that we're on the iMix page, place "103.1" in the search field.
Then click on the little magnifying glass.
VOILA! You now have six different iMixes reflecting what's being played on supposedly L.A.'s HIPPEST radio station, 103.1.
Well, which one should we LOOK AT???
THE ONE WITH THE HIGHEST RATING!
Oh, the MAN isn't in control here, the PEOPLE ARE, they've VOTED, people who are ALREADY INTERESTED, not random people polled by call-out researchers.
Click on the one with five stars.
Hell, there are only six, click on them all.
Personally, I recommend the one in the lower left-hand corner, the one with four stars, the one entitled "Indie 103.1", the one containing 57 tracks.
Yes, right here, you can now be exposed to the HIPPEST rock music on the planet. You don't have to spend time in your car listening. Hours are not required. You can be hip in a matter of MINUTES!
This is how I discovered Pinback's "AFK".
Yup, this is how you do it. You listen to the samples, you find what you like, and then you download the tracks P2P. This IS the new model. Talk legality, rail all you want, THIS IS WHAT PEOPLE ARE DOING!!
So, let's recap.
103.1 is so much hipper than ANY RADIO STATION IN L.A! But it's doomed by commercials. Sure, they've got Steve Jones, one must give them credit for adding PERSONALITY, but really, I listen for the music, and Mr. Jones is not enough to outweigh the waste of time, I'm just gonna circumvent listening to the station COMPLETELY!
So, terrestrial radio is fucked. Plain and simple.
The only way you can beat the system, is to have no commercials and an EXCEPTIONALLY BROAD PLAYLIST! To the point where so many tracks are being played, the consumer can't SAMPLE THEM ALL on an iMix. Hell throw in a guide, and you've got what XM has been, which, hopefully, it will continue to be.
But don't bet on it.
Oh, I'll hear from Sirius. They'll tell me they've got BOTH KINDS OF STATIONS!
And there are a couple of adventurous channels, but they don't play the music I LIKE! They don't replicate XM's Deep Tracks OR the Loft.
The mantra is ALTERNATIVE!
No, not alternative MUSIC, an alternative to what's ALREADY AVAILABLE!
The code is so much DIFFERENT in satellite radio. It's about RESPECT! As opposed to the terrestrial model of talking down.
We're experiencing a revolution. Choice has been limited, creativity has been stifled, the customer has been frustrated by LIMITED DISTRIBUTION!
But, suddenly, we have the power of UNLIMITED distribution. At a very low cost. Suddenly, the CONSUMER has the power.
The record labels don't like it.
Terrestrial radio doesn't like it.
And satellite radio doesn't like it.
The only person who understands it is Steve Jobs. He realizes that what he's selling is TOOLS!
And everybody hates him for it. They say he's a techie. He doesn't get content creation. That without Disney, without SONY, the world ends.
No, it doesn't. With everybody a creator, with easy access to EVERYTHING, you've just got to be BETTER than everybody else.
Steve Jobs knows this. Adults love "Finding Nemo" just as much as children. "The Incredibles" sold hundreds of millions of dollars of tickets whilst Disney's animation unit floundered.
Because now, with content so easily available, to succeed, you've got to make something INSANELY GREAT!
The record companies haven't had that spirit since 1969.
Jack FM?? Give me a break.
XM? USED to be, will it still be?
Sirius?? Is Howard Stern even that HIP anymore?
But you won't get a single owner of an iPod who won't foam at the mouth and testify what a great fucking machine it is.
The consumer has the power. If you don't realize this, you will soon be out of a job.
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