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Doc Rhino has a story that is as old and varied as the lines on yer Grandma's face and as sloppy as the runs in her stockings. One can never tell what edition of the "life that was" that ol' Doc will spin next. Suffice to say that THIS one is the God's honest truth. It all started on an ocean liner bound for Norway. First Mate Bivins, while on routine horizon check, spied what he thought to be a small iceberg directly in the path of his vessel. Bivins casually informed Captain Schwiedenbach, who had just entered the cabin, of this somewhat troubling obstruction. The Captain, who was very confident in the strength of his ship's magnificent hull, ordered Bivins to keep the liner on its course. Time was tight, and this bit of floating ice was not worth a detour. Unfortunately, this was a gross miscalculation. The iceberg, with much of its girth hidden beneath the surface of the water, tore a tremendous hole in the ship's starboard bow upon collision. Captain Schwiedenbach's mighty ocean liner (tragically named the Sinking Violet due to a miscommunication with the painting crew) began to take on water and descend into the murky depths. A small number of the Violet's passengers survived the catastrophe, floating aimlessly in lifeboats until their eventual rescue by a crew of itinerant fishermen.
Two years later, Doc Rhino was born in a small Michigan suburb about 20 miles south of Detroit. Abandoned by his parents at a young age, Doc was raised by a kindly group of volunteer firemen. Though never one too taken with school, he excelled rather effortlessly and caught the attention of the faculty with dead-on impersonations of Carol Channing and Superintendent Phelps. Summer turned to fall, and Doc Rhino was slowly becoming a man. Though tentative at first, he was soon scoring like Wilt Chamberlain. He didn't care who caught his fancy, whether it be a privileged filly or a lowly serving girl. Loved them all, he did. But soon Doc grew weary with affairs of the heart. He wanted to help people... people who need people... so he became a game show host. After 20 years of dispensing questions and punishing ignorance on the narrowly syndicated That's A Spicy Meatball, Doc Rhino said goodbye to public life. He spent several years wandering the globe, studying various cultures, and contracting rare diseases. Finding himself back in the U.S. - with visions of apple pie and national security floating through his head- he picked up a guitar and began to play. The music flowed out of him... horrible music, due to his years of never playing an instrument. However, through months of diligent study, he became a player of fiercely average ability. It was at this time that he met up with Washboard John and Riverboat Sayles. They formed The Bloggy Bottom Boys and have been bringing joy to nursing homes and outdoor festivals ever since. And, we are happy to report that Doc Rhino is back to his sexy ways. So when the Bloggy Bottom Boys come to your town, be sure to lock up your daughters and grandmas. |
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